T-Shirt design alongside death ramble

Life is weird and death is hard. That's the conclusion I have come to just yesterday, after the death of my dear Grandmother. I found out that she 'passed away' when I woke up and I spent almost all day pretending that everything was ordinary. I sat in my classes and kept my head up, giving the same responses as I would normally give. It's times like these that remind me why when people ask how I am, I respond with "I'm okay," because after lunch when someone asked me how I was, I was sick of pretending everything was okay and broke down. I've seen this person once before, and she gave me the most comfort I have ever needed. Somehow, everything she said to me was perfect, and although I was mad with tears, I was okay. Death is so hard to deal with, especially when everything else keeps moving forward and there is no time for the deceased.

I have come to the idea that I'm okay with my own death, but am so scared of death of my friends and family. I would be fine to die whenever, because I know it's my fault for being lazy or not doing something, especially with all the opportunities put in front of me. Dealing with two deaths, both my Grandparents, within six months is hard, real hard, but to consider losing one of my close friends or my sister or parents is so terrifying. I've also decided that the phrase 'passed on' is incredibly stupid doublespeak. Death doesn't need a word to make it seem nicer. It's death, the loss of a life, why does it need to sound any nicer than what it actually is.

Anyways, I wrote a poem about my day yesterday, goes as following:
Plastered Face

Your life ended today
But mine kept moving forward
It's not like I wanted it to
But the pull from people around made it impossible
So I put on a plastered face

I had no emotion, everything was indifferent
I had no emotion, because I was scared to be recognized
I had no emotion because I resisted the tears
And I had no emotion so I would be ignored another day
So I put on a plastered face

And I carried that face with me all day
And it made me want to vomit
It made me sick to my stomach to have to ignore you
To pretend that you were here like yesterday
To pretend that maybe I had the chance to say goodbye

That chance I didn't have
Nor was I ready because I'm still not
Because I'm still preparing myself to say goodbye to Granddad
And to apologize for all the times I made him a burden
Even when I did have the opportunity to bid him farewell.